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Dr. Cube can't accessorize for shitA Post Victory Talk with the geometric super genius and new Kaiju Champ, Dr. Cube
conducted by Jager

MillionairePlayboy.com: Dr. Cube, you and I haven't always exactly seen eye to eye hole, but I have to hand it to you. You really took the wind out of the boisterous Commissioner's sails at Mayday! Mayday! Boston SOS! by winning the Kaiju Championship Belt after your beloved Hell Monkey was too drunk to deliver. Being anti-Hero above all, I applaud you.

Dr. Cube: Do you think I care what you think of my Championship Belt win?! Until you see the light and join my Posse, you will be nothing by a speck in the eye of a tiny maggot on Gomi-man's posterior!

MillionairePlayboy.com: Rumors were abounding before the match that Hell Monkey was on one heckuva bender. Did you see his loss coming, and plan all along to jump into the Danger Cage?

Dr. Cube: If there is one thing to remember about Dr. Cube it is this: I am always in control. I orchestrated the whole sequence of events, because frankly, I felt it was time for a Kaiju Champion worthy of the title.

MPb: I can only imagine how a man such as you would celebrate winning the ultimate prize of Kaiju. On second thought, I really can't. What have you been doing?

Dr. Cube: What I do best—creating new and more terrifying Kaiju creatures.

MPb: Your creation, Gomi Man kicked the stuffing out of Super Wrong a few matches before you challenged then champ, Unibouzu. What are your thoughts on this new Hero? Is there a chance that he could turn his dancing prowess into a fighting style much like the multiple-minion-stopping Silver Potato?

Dr. Cube: Are you asking me if he can follow in Silver Potato's footsteps by being absolutely crushed, humiliated, and crippled by my Posse? Yes, I can certainly picture that in Super Wrong's not so Super future.

MPb: Speaking of the silver spud, you seem to really have a mad on for him and his musical tributes. Are your minions' attacks solely aimed at Tato or are you using this as an excuse to stop Chikako from singing?

Dr. Cube: Stopping that screeching harpy from "singing" is merely a secondary reward to my true goal of reminding every slack-jawed Kaiju fan out there, that Dr. Cube's Posse stands for nothing more than total dominance!

MPb: Your two creations, Marutambo and the Grudyin, formed your newest tag team and led the assault to stop the tribute. Ultimately, they were stopped by Los Plantanos, but during the Battel they pulled out some double team maneuvers. These couldn't have been made on the fly since the monsters aren't too bright, so I ask do you have a vigorous training program for your monsters/minions before Battels, and what does this entail?

Dr. Cube: I will not reveal my brilliant training methods to an ignoramus like yourself.

MPb: Okay, back to your match. Just when it seemed to be over, a very angry can of soup entered the cage and laid both you and Uni out! Do you foresee any problems with Kung Fu Chicken Noodle in the future?

Dr. Cube: Yes, I foresee that kung fool bursting at his rusty seams and spilling his liquid essence throughout the Danger Cage, as I stand victorious above him.

MPb: Speaking of future problems, what are your thoughts on the missing Team Space Bug? Come on, the Swarm has to worry even you.

Dr. Cube: No Comment! This interview is over!


read all of our collected Kaiju KoverageFor more Kaiju info, head over to Kaiju.com

Check out our comprehensive Kaiju Big Battel coverage.

All characters and likenesses are copyright their respective owners. All images and this article are ©2004 MillionairePlayboy.com and may not be reprinted without permission.


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