| | DO | DON'T |
| Introductions | Ask her A/S/L | Ask her to mail you her panties |
| Childhood | Talk about your favorite memory | Talk about your first boner |
| Profile Doctoring | Use the Photoshop fur filter to add more hair to your online pic | Don't use the Photoshop fire filter to make you look like Ghost Rider™ |
| Self Image | Beware of girls who list their weight as average - this likely means they are fat | Don't exclude girls who list their weight as over weight - they
could in fact be anorexic |
| Experience | Talk about romantic escapades |  Don't push the anal sex topic too soon |
| Compliments | Make her feel sexy by saying "You look so hot" |  Don't try to sound like Martin Lawrence by saying "Damn, YOU FINE!" or "Can't get enough of your love BAAAAAAAAAABY" |
| Picture | Ask her if she has a pic available |  Don't ask for a pic of her peeing |
| Cybersex | Express satisfaction like "I'm cumming! I'm ccwswsdfe sdfasd gfad gd fs" | Don't pretend to be a girl, your suitor may in fact be pretending to be a guy - and that would be just too "straight" |
| Keeping in Touch | Make note of her email address |  Don't mention the fan site you made for Steven Baldwin until after she falls for you |
| | SHOULD | SHOULDN'T |
| Goal | I should want to cook her a simple meal | I shouldn't want to cut into her, to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where her flesh becomes my key. |
| Communication | I should want to take her to a movie if she truly accepts the offer | I shouldn't if I sense that she accepts it telepathically. |
| Snail Mail | I should want to send her a letter | I shouldn't want to type the letter on a death certificate. |
| First Meeting | I should want to say hi to her nicely | I shouldn't want to keep her in a big jar in my basement. |
| Major Warning Signs |
| Beware the girls whose picture is clearly cropped, thereby removing the evil, evil boyfriend that broke her heart. |
 The girls who list their marital or has children status as not applicable is likely hiding something.
|
| Just because you and she like to have fun, as both your profiles read, doesn't mean you and she have something in common. |
 Make sure her email address doesn't read sexysue@detroitwomenscorrections.com - she's a real bitch. |
| Don't open up a conversation with a pickup line like 4,987 pixels never looked so good. |
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