Fuller House the new Netflix series debuts this week. In honor of the return of the Tanner clan, this weeks list focuses on everybody’s favorite Uncle Jesse. He helps Danny and Joey take care of DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle while at the same time being cool, running the Smash Club, and be a “rocking” musician. After quitting his job as an exterminator, Uncle Jesse along with his “Rippers” rocked San Francisco, while finding time to babysit baby Michelle. Elvis was a huge influence to Jesse, from his hair to how he mimicked the King playing nursery rhymes for Michelle’s pre-school. While Jesse & the Rippers was his most successful band, Uncle Jesse has played in numerous bands in his lifetime. In order to track his career here are the Essential Seven Bands Fronted by Uncle Jesse Katsopolis, and have mercy!
We didn’t include The Beach Boys in this list. While Jesse never fronts the Beach Boys he does play with them on multiple occasions. They were such great friends that the “Boys” allowed the “Rippers” to cover their song “Forever.” John Stamos, who portrayed Uncle Jesse, was friends with The Beach Boys, and would go on tour with them. Perhaps you were confused as we were, when you saw the video for “Kokomo?” Behind the band on the congo drums was Uncle Jesse!
7. Polka Hontas & His Beer Sausage Seven
Touring with a band is hard work. The setup, teardown, travel between clubs, and the occasional Polka requirement. On tour with the Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets (yes, that is the name of the band), Jesse must put on his lederhosen, apologize to Viper (after firing him for dating DJ), and perform a polka version of “I Wanna Rock N’ Roll All Night.” For one glorious night Polka Hontas & His Beer Sausage Seven rocked a little polka bar. No reunion is planned.
Jesse decides to sell-out to the Man by changing his music and style to sign with Fat Fish Records. Jesse becomes the heavy metal singer “Vulture” with the help from Joey. The first and only Vulture performance fails miserably when Jesse attempts to “fly” down from a harness that gets stuck. He proceeds to fly around the stage, threatening Joey. Vulture Rules!
5. Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets
The unfortunate name Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets is the band that Jesse formed after he is kicked out of The Rippers for losing his passion for the music. You have to think that the Rippers were right about Jesse, as he clearly has lost his senses. Viper who is the lead guitarist in the “Monkey Puppets” almost wasn’t. During his audition, Viper almost loses to another guitarist “Mildew” also known as the spic-and-span Danny Tanner.
4. The No Names
Jesse agrees to play the “Spring Backwards Dance” at DJ’s school after the original band Dog Face fails to show. Without a backup band, DJ provides the school’s marching band to backup her uncle. Reluctantly Jesse agrees to play with the band, but will not at any point spell out the school name during any of the songs! The No Names have no future after clearing the room with a terrible version of “Wild Thing.” The band is so bad that it leaves DJ and her evil little date Kevin Gwin to drink.
3. Discipline Problem
At his 10 year high school reunion, Jesse reunites with his old band Discipline Problem. Clearly by the look of the band this was just an ironic name. After a quick performance of “My Sharona” Jesse’s, ex girlfriend Carrie (Erika Eleniak) arrives. Her hotness ends the show, as Jesse would rather be with her than the band.
Jesse’s old band mate Pete (Scott Baio) shows up just in time to witness Jesse performing a rocking version of “The Farmer and the Dell.” Astonished at how lame Jesse, or Dr. Dare as he used to be known, Pete convinces Jesse to relive their lost youth. After a night of playing “Louie, Louie” on guitars, Pete convinces Jesse to re-unite their old band Feedback. The band puts on a reunion party filled with lame cover songs, a guy with a keytar, and Joey playing air guitar with a broom.
1. The Rippers
No surprise here. Jesse’s most success came with Jesse and the Rippers. Signed to Fat Fish records the band had success with a cover of the Beach Boys song “Forever.” Martha Quinn premieres the video on MTV featuring Jesse’s twin boys. The song becomes a huge hit in Japan, and tours with his family at his side. After many years Jesse is kicked out of the band he founded. Barry Williams of the Brady Bunch fame replaces Jesse as the frontman. The band re-names themselves Barry and the Rippers and has huge success with their first single “April Girl.”
Fuller House premieres on February 26th.
The Essential Seven is a weekly list of seven items that we at MillionairePlayboy.com believe needs to be identified. Want our opinion on a topic for a future list? Email Lando Da Pimp. Don’t agree with our list? Then leave a comment. We will promise not to laugh at your dumb opinion! 😉