Essential Seven Captain Kirk Quotes

William Shatner stars on the new CBS show $#*! My Dad Says, based on the Twitter feed Shit My Dad Says. Shatner plays the role of  the older dad that provides his son with amusing quotes that he documents for us to read. The show fails to capture the humor of the Twitter feed. However, if your in the mood for great quotes by William Shatner, here are the Essential Seven Captain Kirk Quotes:

7) “What does God need with a starship?”

From Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
There are very few good things that came out of Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. The story was insane, with the crew traveling to the center of the galaxy to find God. Most people don’t need to go that far! They supposedly find him on a planet called Sha Ka Ree. God then asks to board the Enterprise with Kirk responding, “What does God need a starship?” Duh?

6) “Nobody understands you in this century unless you swear every other word.”

From Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Kirk realizes that in the ’80s real world, you are required to curse out your fellow man to fit in and gain respect. So a double-dumb ass on you for not understanding!

5) “You look quite well for a man that’s been ‘utterly destroyed’, Mr. Spock.”

From the episode Patterns of Force
Kirk and the Enterprise discover that a researcher has contaminated a culture, remaking it into a near-duplicate of Nazi Germany. The episode is worth it  just to see Spock in a Nazi uniform.

4) “Second star to the right…and straight on ’til morning.”

From the episode Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
How do you end the Kirk era Star Trek? Perfectly with this quote from the creator of Peter Pan, Sir James Barry. Sadly they screwed it up with Star Trek Generations with Kirk’s last words “It was fun.”

3)”Mr. Spock, the women on your planet are logical. That’s the only planet in the galaxy that can make that claim.”

From the episode Elaan of Troyius
After Kirk is manipulated by Elaan to do her bidding, Kirk realizes that only the women of Vulcan are “normal.” Don’t get me started with the women from Orion!

2) “You Klingon bastard. You’ve killed my son!”

From the episode Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
The murder of Kirk’s son should have been a sad dramatic moment. Sadly, William Shatner’s over-the-top performance is anything but dramatic. Falling back just missing his chair, Kirk repeatedly calls the Klingon commander a bastard. Maybe he should have used better colorful metaphors!

1) “Of my friend, I can only say this: of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most… human.”

From the film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
The biggest moment of the original series films is the death of Spock. Kirk’s eulogy to his friend perfectly sums up who Spock was. As a Vulcan, Spock would have been insulted by being referred to as “human.”

The Essential Seven is a weekly list of seven items that we at believe needs to be identified. Want our opinion on a topic for a future list? Email Lando Da Pimp. Don’t agree with our list? Then leave a comment. We will try not to laugh at your dumb opinion! 😉

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