Essential Seven Summer Camps

Summer Camp is a great place for kids to learn about life. They are great places for educational and cultural development. However, not every camp is a safe and nurturing environment. The reality is that most kids come away with learning about the birds and the bees, and at some camps never leave! That is why this week I identify the Essential Seven Summer Camps

7) Camp Chippewa

6) Camp Cucamonga

Camp Cucamonga is the “Bizarro World” of ABC’s TGIF line up. DJ Tanner is the popular “hot” cheerleader. Steve Urkel is no longer a nerd, but is still whiter than me. Wonder Years Winnie Cooper is a hair metal loving “bad” girl. Paul Pfieffer is still a nerd no matter what dimension he is in. The biggest shock will be that Cliff Claven, Rachel Greene, and George Jefferson are all in charge!

5) Camp Hope

For you heavier readers Camp Hope may be the place for you. Camp Hope is a Fat Camp! A word of warning. Don’t be fooled by the elevator pitch on how much fun the camp is. Soon after arriving, Ben Stiller will portray Tony Perkis a fitness entrepreneur who will turn the camp into a fitness nightmare. You may think that this is the same character Ben Stiller portrayed in the film Dodge Ball, but surprisingly its not. That guy has a mustache.

4) Camp Remote

If your interested in attending a camp with no real adult supervision, than perhaps you should check out Camp Remote. Campers will first be subjected to military rules where they exercise constantly and fed gruel.  Shortly after arriving campers are forced to compete in a boat race where they will get lost, stranded, and trapped in snow storms as they endure the wrath of bullies who do everything they can to keep them from ever returning home.

3) Camp Anawayna

If you attend Camp Anawayna it may seem like you never actually leave. The camp is run under the strict supervision of Dr. Kahn and his underling Kevin “Ug” Lee. Campers have to endure awful waffles, Bobby Budnick, and Zeke the Plumber who haunts your dreams!

2) Camp Crystal Lake

Campers usually don’t ever make it to Camp Crystal Lake since Jason kills off the counselors before it can open. Counselors in training should refrain from having sex, taking showers, or any other situation where a they can be killed stark naked. If you should decide to take on Jason pretend your his mother or better yet, just leave.

1) Camp North Star

Camp North Star is the original. All future camps were inspired by it. All the counselors are horny and misbehave more than the campers. We were also introduced to the typical nerd, fat guy, and rebel counselors that all future camps will mimic. The best part of Camp North Star would be head counselor Tripp. If you feel out of place, he will take you under his wing and teach you that “It just doesn’t matter!”

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