Hasbro's C.O.P.S.™
Review by R Hunter

Does any one stop to think why all the eighties stuff is making a come back?

Two factors to consider: The 1983 FCC ruling making it okay for product based programing (He Man was first to cash in). So for the first time you see all these wonderful 25 minute animated commercials. Next think about capitalism and how the eighties started the Consumerism lifestyle where a disposable income spent on useless crap was the American way. Now twenty years later people like me can afford the great toys they had when they were a kid. Also, thanks to eBay, we can even get the ATAT walkers we never could afford. Personally I've almost made good on the huffed up threats that I would buy what my parents wouldn't when I was older except for the ATAT still too allusive.

So I guarantee if you can't find a toy now, wait ten years for the re-release. I love this idea, all hail the might dollar. To sum it up, it's not an 80's re-hash craze, it's a new method of business that will continue from now on.

According to a Web Poll printed in ToyFare #75, C.O.P.S™ won by 28% for which properties people wanted to see revived. I myself am shocked we've yet to have a revival announced or at least identification of the owner of the rights to said property. I have faith it will happen though.

Bart Sears, the amazing comic artist most know by me for his how-to-draw columns in the Wizard magazines of my youth, did the pencils for the pictures on the packaging and had a hand in designing the figures. And they look great! I loved anything violent and having figures as possible as GI Joe but twice as big was Valhalla. The crooks are a little too eighties and fruity for my tastes but the cops looked spot on. Highway, Button McBoom Boom, Check Point and Powder Keg stand out right off the bat.

I was amazed by how many accessories Highway came with. A cool gun and nightstick, an air skiff, and a dangerously metal bomb that attached to the bottom of the craft and "popped a cap" (word!) when it was flicked off. He also played a major role in reenacting Terminator 2 (if you remember the toys came out quite some time later and sucked the sweat of my ballz BEEotch). He was obviously the T-1000 and Terminator Arnold was played by none other then Commando Arnold in all this pantless glory (kind of hard to work that into every scenario).

Buttons McBoom Boom rocked. He was dressed like a swinger with a swing out chest panel that held two swing down machine guns. Pretty dull, I know but I'll throw in a cap firing tommy gun that hides nicely in his cello case. His hat didn't fit well, so I used the hat from the biggest selling toy of the eighties, Batman's Bob the Goon! And yes it has occurred to me how much Buttons looks like a cross between Emperor Palpatine and the great Bobby D Robert De Niro you schmuck.

Check Point had sucky accessories except for his night stick which fit into a holder on his leg. If action figures have holsters for their weapons I am happy. I can back this up by the seven Fortune figures (Metal Gear Solid) I bought. His helmet and armor fit like my fist up your ass, which is to say awkward and sloppy. But the face sculpt is great and he just looks like a real nice guy with candy for me tee-hee.

Powder Keg could be the greatest figure of the eighties! He came with a few things like boots, thigh armor, torso and groin guard, helmet with two moving blast protectors, detonator case, briefcase wired with explosives, grenade, shot gun and dorky eighties hat! He was great and I had tons of fun detonating things and tossing him across the room with the blast pulse. Then I applied the ketchup.

Now to spice up your cops figures to compete with today's standards, you'll need these items:

• Exacto knife
• Mezco Reservoir Dogs hands
• couple of Plan B Toys' Special Forces or Dollar Store swat figures (for parts)
• Metal Gear Solid 2 figure Ocelot, Fortune (seven will do) and Olga (for parts)

I could do the step by step but I'll leave you to figure it out cause I don't get paid for this. Yelling into bed room Hang on! Jeezus. 2 minutes, 2 MINUTES ! thinks to self "what the hell?! freaking nag nag nag nag".

Don't live in a half way house for Alcoholics Anonymous. Cheap rent, but ...god.... what a bunch of quitters!

I am still looking for most of these figures so email me for charity.

C.O.P.S., Highway, Officer Bowser & Blitz, Sundown, Barricade, Longarm, Bullet-Proof, Sgt. Mace, Dr. Badvibes & Buzzbomb, Buttons McBoomBoom, Rock Crusher, Beserko and Big Boss are copyright 1988 Hasbro. All images copyright 2003 MillionairePlayboy.com unless otherwise noted.