Stink Blasters' Blaster™ Smelt and dealt by Mr. Stinkhead
We love the Stink Blasters. They're the funny little toys whose heads emit a stinky blast when you squeeze them, and they come in so many awful scents. Everything from rotting garbage, to vomit, to cow poop—it's all there. You can check out the review of the first wave, and hold onto your britches for a review of the upcoming Wave II (coming soon). We love the Stink Blasters so much, that Lando and I made a video game for their web site, you should give it a try.
Now they've made something new to clear the room—the Stink Blaster Blaster—is a full size air gun, that blasts a puff of stinky air about 15 feet at a selected target. The gun comes with two signature scents; garlic and skunk (not poo-stink as reported earlier), and if things go well, a variety of future scents will be available as refills.
This
thing smells really bad. Because the internet hasn't caught up to our other
two senses, I will have to try and explain this as well as I can. Right after
opening the air-tight plastic seal that attached the stink cartridges to the
box, I ran away crying for about 10 minutes before I built up the courage to
return. The stink of two cartridges together made my nose burn much like bringing
two Shankara stones together will make them glow. There's power in numbers. Anyway,
they were still in their "stink containment units" (I don't know about the containment,
but they certainly had the stink), and in the "off position." That's
right. They try to tell you that if you twist the grated cheese topper dial closed,
you won't smell anything. That's like thinking, if no one heard you fart,
then they certainly won't smell it.
In our first article, we had a Stink-O-Meter
to try and place these things on a scale of pretty bad to toxic. Since I don't
like rehashing jokes [Ed note:What?! yeah like how network television strives to be original??] and I'm too lazy
to open up Photoshop again, let me try and spell it out. You know how ammonia
smells so bad your brain actually tries to curl up inside your skull, away from your nasal passages
to try and slow down the speed of the synaptic signal? Well though not that painful,
if smells could be measured by volume, this would be Cannibal Corpse.
Whew.
Ok,
enough about the smell, here's what I can tell you about the toy. The gun is
really, really well made. It's very sturdy, it's easy to use, and it looks stinkin'
sweet! I love the bright orange, and industrial look of the piece. It feels a
little bit like a life sized Ninja Turtle weapon, kind of. Anyway you pop
your favorite stink cartridge into the front chamber, you pull back on the plunger
until it locks, and then line up your victim in the sights provided. Yes, there
really are sights on top of the gun. Sweet!, now if only someone out there
attaches a laser sight, I will be impressed. Anyway, once you're a safe distance,
press the trigger and Ka-Pow. Man, whatta stink.
Remember when you were younger, about this time of year, everyone's cooped up
indoors, a light snow has begun to fall, and hot chocolate is warming in a kettle.
The family is wearing matching sweaters, and you spend hours chasing your sister
around, trying oh so hard to get the opportunity to fart directly on her
leg, but she's just too damn spry... this is what we needed. With the distance
you achieve with the Blaster, you no longer need the close proximity as the
traditional methods of smearing your stink on a loved one. That's also a good
thing because between the orange gun and the residual stink perimeter, they will
know you're coming. It's just so satisfying knowing they can't do anything about
it.
You can certainly find this on shelves at your local toy store, or on Amazon.com. Take a break from your busy holiday shopping and see how many strangers you can fart on in a crowded elevator with Stinkhead and Lando's Stinky Elevator game. For more information on the Stink Blasters products and games, check out their official site StinkBlasters.com.
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