MILLIONAIREPLAYBOY.COM AND RAVING TOY MANIAC ANNOUNCE
TOYS 'R US BUYOUT

April 1st, 2005 —In a shocking announcement that rocked the toy and collectibles community, Andrew Jones from MillionairePlayboy.com and Bobbi Boyd from Raving Toy Maniac announced that they had formed a financial group that were in fact the annonymous investors that purchased the entire Toys 'R Us franchise two weeks ago.

"We are not, repeat, not going to close all of the stores" declared Jones, also known as Mr. Stinkhead to his legions of readers. "We anticipate sweeping changes however, that will improve your toy buying experience."

Bobbi Boyd, editor of Raving Toy Maniac, (Toymania.com) added "We might even add personnel to each store, such as a dedicated product expert that actually knows what the hell you're talking about, and enlist extra security to prevent scalping."

Rob Rooney, also from ToyMania.com, announced a revolutionary type of product placement.

"The companies are still going to produce what are known as 'chase figures,' however they will have the same production run as their counterparts. We're just going to hide them all over the store, so you'll have to go into the educational toys, and the baby diapers to find your Phasing Vision."

Joe Fulton from MillionairePlayboy expanded on the new packaging changes.

"We're going to go ahead and rip out all of the minifigures from the LEGO and C3 building sets and sell those in individual baggies if you want em. I'm going to use those parts to construct a life-sized Star Destroyer, so don't worry about me."

Kristian Yeager introduced the new "Japanese Imports, Urban Vinyl, and Crazy Asian Knock-off Departments" to be added by 2007.

"You'll find that your local Toys R Us now stocks a wider variety of toys and collectibles. Since most vinyl runs are under 500, and we have 600+ stores, better get there early."

Jones also assures the heartbroken that changes will be made to the industry.

"I'm going to go ahead and order enough Xevoz and Masters of the Universe so that their re-birth (or re-re-birth in MOTU's case) is a lucrative move for Hasbro and Mattel respectively. Hell, I'll also make a new run of Spinjas, Super Powers, and 6 Million Dollar Man action figures."

Expect to see these changes in the next upcoming months, with a full redesign by early 2007. Also look for clear windows around the stock room so you can peer in and see what's coming out on the floor in the next couple of days.

Overall MillionairePlayboy.com and Raving Toy Maniac are excited to take Toys 'R Us in new directions.

"Toys 'R Us has had such an impact on our lives growing up, we couldn't just sit back and watch it go down like a two buck hooker. But I think while we're at it, we'll change all of the letters in our logo backwards. Woo-hoo!"

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My lawyers are sweating bullets right now. You do realize it's April Fool's right?