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Halloween: The Rob Zombie Unrated Director's Cut
Reviewed by Tuxxer

6.5 out of 10

Remakes. Remakes, remakes, remakes. They are, occasionally, a fantastic idea. The Wizard of Oz and The Thing come to mind. Even 2003's Texas Chainsaw Massacre was pretty decent. [Ed note: I really liked the recent Dawn of the Dead] Rob Zombie's rendition of Halloween is middling at best.

We start off with a young Michael Myers, whose mother is a stripper and stepfather is a worthless drunk. Little Mikey goes on a killing spree, slaughtering most of his family and spends the next fifteen years in a crazy house.

The manner of his escape is dubious to say the least: "I can't believe it! All I did was assault a female ward of the asylum in front of the psycho murderer on his own bed and it set him on a killing spree! Oh my God, who knew provoking a murderous sociopath was this bad an idea?"

Fifteen years have passed since his first killing; and he picks up right where he left off. The story follows the original pretty closely in this respect. (So why not see the original?) Naturally, any inch of skin is met with the sharp point of Michael Myer's knife. More than one girl is pulled topless, kicking and screaming to her demise.

Halloween is babysitter fodder, and babysitters need children to look after. The kids are clever, precocious and suitably adorable.

One of the strongest things to stick out about this movie is the language. Dropping the F-Bomb left and right. Excess isn't always a good thing.

I'll admit, the movie does evoke genuine chills, but it takes its sweet time getting to them. There's plenty of bloodshed before the "I'm coming after you" spookiness creeps up your spine. Everything prior to that is merely violence.

Worthy to note, trivia-wise, is the inclusion of Danielle Harris. She played Jamie in Halloween 4 & 5, and returns now to play a teenager. Not bad work for a 30 year old!

Special Features on the 2-disc edition don't disappoint. With bits including an alternate ending, feature-length commentary and the Laurie Strode Screen Test, you won't be disappointed.

The flick has at least one other thing going for it: the cameos. In addition to the movie starring the inimitable Malcolm McDowell, terrific appearances are made by Udo Kier, Clint Howard, Brad Dourif, Danny Trejo and Mickey freaking Dolenz. They're the chocolate chips on an otherwise mediocre cookie.

If watching the movie isn't enough for you, feel free to play crazy killer yourself at

You can pick up this movie on December 20th on

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