Essential Seven Famous Bullies

Almost everybody has had to deal with a bully sometime in your life. They prey on the weak or pick on you because you may be different. Why do they do this? Because they are an asshole. In fact, I believe that most people are assholes. In movies and TV shows the bully is the typical arch-nemesis of a main character. Pop culture is filled with them. That is why this week we list the Essential Seven Famous Bullies. (Ed note: You can also call this the Essential Seven Famous Assholes!)

7) Buddy Hinton

Buddy is the lamest bully on our list. He doesn’t pick on kids his own age or even boys, he picks on poor little Cindy Brady in The Brady Bunch. He pokes fun at her inability to talk because of her lisp. “Baby talk, baby talk, it’s a wonder you can walk”  Damn that’s harsh! Peter attempts to intervene the next day and gets a black eye in the process. Mike and Carol confront Buddy’s parents, but they are just as lame as Buddy. After lifting a few weights, Peter confronts Buddy again knocking his tooth loose causing him to speak with a lisp.

6) Nelson Muntz

In the early episodes of The Simpsons, Nelson was Bart’s nemesis. These last few years they have become more friends than foes. Nelson now spends most of his time bulling Milhouse and Martin. He is most famous by his signature laugh (“Haw-Haw!”).

5) Scut Farkus

Scut Farkus terrorizes the kids of Warren G. Harding Elementary School with his toad Grover Dill in the film A Christmas Story. He has red hair and wears a Davey Crockett hat. Ralph describes him as having yellow eyes and green teeth. He clearly doesn’t, but Ralph was afraid of him.  What Scut wasn’t expecting was how much of a crazy ass fighter Ralph is. Scut gets his ass kicked!

4) Stan Gable

Stan is the typical college frat guy that can only have friends by paying for them in the film Revenge of the Nerds! The Alpha Betas are made up of the school’s football team at Adams College. With the help of  Pi Delta Pis sorority, they harass the nerds. They even attempt to stop the nerds from forming their own fraternity. Stan is head of the Greek Council who rejects them. In the end the nerds come out on top (of the jocks’ girlfriends), and we see who the champions really are!

3) Wayne Arnold

Wayne Arnold is my favorite bully. Wayne is the older brother to Kevin Arnold on the Wonder Years. He is the typical older brother bully who enjoys physically tormenting Kevin and his nerdy friend Paul. My hatred towards the character of Kevin always found me rooting for Wayne. I mean how could Kevin pick Winnie Cooper over Madeline? Madeline was so hot! Smack him around Wayne, smack him around!

2) Johnny Lawrence

Johnny Lawrence is leader of the Cobra Kai who makes Daniel’s life a living hell in The Karate Kid.  Johnny doesn’t care for Daniel, especially when he attempts to interfere in the fight with his ex-girlfriend Ali. Mr. Miyagi teaches Daniel karate so he can defend himself. In the end Daniel earns Johnny’s respect after a crane kick to the face! I’m glad I can earn someone’s respect by offering to get the next round.

1) Biff Tannen

In Back to the Future George McFly had to always keep an eye out for Biff.  He couldn’t eat at Lou’s Cafe or even walk the halls of school without hearing “McFly!” His gang, consisting of Match, Skinhead, and 3-D, ruled Hill Valley. Before Marty went back to the future, George never stood up against Biff. However, when Biff pushed his future wife Lorraine, he got the courage to knock Biff out.

Honorable Mentions:, O’Doyle Family from Billy Madison, Randy from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, The Ghosts from Pac-Man (specifically the animated series)

The Essential Seven is a weekly list of seven items that we at believe needs to be identified. Want our opinion on a topic for a future list? Email Lando Da Pimp. Don’t agree with our list? Then leave a comment. We will try not to laugh at your dumb opinion! ;-)

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments: 3 Comments