LEGO

Essential Seven Reasons I Hate Kevin Arnold

I recently began re-watching episodes of The Wonder Years on Netflix. (Note: The music changes are hard to accept) I haven’t watched the show since it first aired, so I was surprised by my reaction after a few episodes. Kevin Arnold is a manipulative, dishonest, and evil douchebag that I despise.

Yes, I realize that Kevin is just a teenager, and all teenagers are dicks. Everybody grows up, matures, and regrets things they did growing up, and I should just accept that fact that he is learning from his mistakes.  Kevin as an adult is the narrator to the show. He has the greatest memory of anybody that I ever met. While he reminisces about his childhood, I really see the narrator as a way to explain and provide valid reasons as to why he was such a terrible person. Just like the older wiser Kevin Arnold reflects back on his life, I reflect on the Essential Seven Reasons I Hate Kevin Arnold.

7) No Respect for Anybody

Kevin has a major problem with showing respect to people. One of the best examples is his math teacher Mr. Collins. Kevin fails to grasp math. Instead of studying harder, he just assumes that the problem isn’t with him.  Keven becomes very jealous that Paul does better than him and lashes out at Mr. Collins who is just doing his job. It’s not his fault that Kevin is a lazy student.

Mr. Collins volunteers to help tutor Kevin over the next few weeks, until one day he doesn’t show. Kevin, who is so conceited, doesn’t consider that Mr. Collins may have a valid reason for canceling, and just assumes he got the brush off. On the day of the mid-term, Kevin writes in bogus answers on his exam to get even with Mr. Collins. Mr. Collins, realizing that Kevin purposely failed the test, calls after him, but Kevin ignores him.

After the exam, Kevin feels good about what he did. That next school day he discovers that Mr. Collins had passed away. He didn’t show for the tutoring lesson because he had been feeling ill.  Kevin all of sudden feels like the little shithead he is. Later, we learn that Mr. Collins in death didn’t allow Kevin to fail. Sure, adult Kevin reminisces his admiration he felt for Mr. Collins. I say this little dickhead deserves no respect.

 

6) His Obsession with Winnie Cooper

(Editors Note: Winnie Cooper got super hot later in life. We decided this image was more appropriate to use)

Kevin, like all teenage boys, is obsessed with girls. Or, one girl in Kevin’s case: Winnie Cooper. I believe this sick obsession is the main reason Kevin is such a ass. He doesn’t care who he hurts, as long as he gains Winnie’s attention. I never really believed that Winnie liked him anymore than a friend. She teased him during their entire teenage years. What’s sad is that Kevin put up with her bullshit.

Kevin’s relationship with the “Cooper Pooper” became a very tired storyline. Kevin needed to move on. When he tried, he always found his way back to Winnie. In French class Kevin was paired with the hot girl Madline Adams for a cooking assignment, Kevin instantly fell for her. I don’t blame him. Madeline was hot, and Kevin should have given her his butter! “Voulez-vous un peu de beurre”

After working on their French cooking project at her house, Kevin feels guilty for his feelings towards Madeline and rushes out in a panic. He leaves behind the bracelet Winnie gave him. Instead of asking Madeline for it, Kevin has no backbone and tries to deceive Winnie with a fake one. It just annoys me with his Winnie obsession, and in the end of the series they don’t get together! What a waste. As Madeline said “I never saw what the big deal about Winnie Cooper was anyway.”

 

5) His Dad Can’t Stand Him!

One of the worst relationships Kevin had was with his father. His old man was a no-nonsense kind of guy. Growing up during the depression, Jack was a very conservative man. He constantly was worrying about money, and the stress of raising a family. That didn’t seem to really bother Kevin, who gave his dad nothing but attitude. Why does his dad hate him? Take a look at any given episode, and look at Jack’s face. That is the sign of disappointment towards his kids. They all were ungrateful assholes.

4) We All rooted for Wayne

Wayne and Kevin’s relationship is probably the most accurate portrayal of how two brothers really get along. The only person that Kevin really feared was Wayne. Wayne was just as much of a dickhead as Kevin, but his character was supposed to be. He was the antagonist. He picked on Kevin. He treated him like shit, but we rooted for him. Why? Because Kevin deserved it. Somebody had to put Kevin in his place, and Wayne was my hero.

 

3) Kevin Treats Women Like Shit

Kevin is anything but nice to women; he uses them for his own gain. The first example is Becky Slater. To make Winnie jealous he dates Becky. Ignorant of her feelings she punches Kevin when she finds out he still is still obsessed with Winnie. Throughout junior high she holds a grudge. Kevin doesn’t understand why.

Another example is how Kevin treats Paul’s little sister Debbie. After agreeing to escort Debbie to a dance, Kevin becomes embarrassed and ditches her. Kevin is so selfish he doesn’t care who he hurts. Even his best friends sister.

 

2) His Friend Paul?

Throughout the show, Paul was Kevin’s best friend. I think. It’s hard to tell because of the way he treated Paul. Kevin was constantly jealous of Paul’s success. Paul very rarely had something good happen to him, but when he did Kevin made sure he took it away from him.

Kevin is also embarrassed by Paul. Kevin doesn’t think twice about throwing him under the bus to benefit himself, especially if he stands to gain popularity with the other “cooler” kids. When Paul tried out for the basketball team, Kevin undermined Paul’s decision. While he was concerned with Paul being made fun of, the real truth was he didn’t want that embarrassment to fall on him. Instead of supporting his friend, he just told him he was stupid. Paul proves him wrong, makes the team, and becomes a decent player. Instead of apologizing first, Kevin becomes jealous.

Paul wasn’t always Kevin’s best friend. When they had a falling out, Kevin replaces Paul with Doug Porter as his best friend. Kevin quickly discovers that Doug is more of an embarrassment than Paul and dumps him, too. After all, “The Great Kevin Arnold” can’t be seen with losers like Doug. Paul and Doug deserve better.

 

1) Kevin is just a Dick.

Nothing against Fred Savage. He was an exceptional child actor, and overall I enjoyed the show. I just came to the realization that I don’t care for the main character. Kevin Arnold is a conceited douche that has no respect for teachers, family, friends, and girlfriends. The easy response is that he was just a kid, but that doesn’t mean I have to give him a pass. I also know that you will tell me don’t watch the show. The problem is that I enjoy the show. It’s well written, acted, and was ahead of its time. I just wish the main character wasn’t such a dick.


The Essential Seven is a weekly list of seven items that we at MillionairePlayboy.com believe needs to be identified. Want our opinion on a topic for a future list? Email Lando Da Pimp. Don’t agree with our list? Then leave a comment. We will promise not to laugh at your dumb opinion! 😉


Tags: , , , , , ,
Comments: Comments Off on Essential Seven Reasons I Hate Kevin Arnold