Essential Seven Women Who Should Be On Your Freebie List!


This weeks Essential Seven list is based on an episode of Friends. The episode entitled “The One With Frank Jr” has Ross creating a freebie list; celebrities they can sleep with, without your wife or girlfriend getting upset. No consequences! A majority of the episode focused on Ross deciding who should be on his list. It’s an important decision. He eventually chose Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, and Dorothy Hammill.

So we got to thinking, who would be on our list? Before we answer that we want to stress one point. There is absolutely no condition where we would touch anyone other than our wife / girlfriend and we are disgusted at the concept. Having indemnified ourselves here is who we would bang:

7. Jennifer Love Hewitt


We still believe in Jennifer Love Hewitt. We continue to admire her two natural “abilities.”  Her television show, The Ghost Boob Whisperer is a big hit on CBS, and we never miss them it. The show lately has become less and less about her character, Melinda talking to ghosts.  The new focus of the show is different ways to display Jennifer’s natural large rack “talents.” We applaud the effort with one hand.

6. Cobie Smulders


Cobie may not be as well known as some of the other women on our list, but she is “Fraking” hot! She stars on How I Met Your Mother as Robin Scherbatsky, the former Canadian Pop Singer now television reporter. Luckily for us the show is one of the funniest comedys on tv. The chance to watch Cobie each week is just an added bonus. Putting Cobie on your list may give your wife / girlfriend a good feeling about your taste in women. The show has a strong female fan base, and Cobie is a very natural, down to earth, beautiful woman. Nothing fake about her.

5. Kristen Bell


For three seasons the only reason we tuned into the CW was for Kristen Bell’s portrayal of play teen private investigator, Veronica Mars. Each week we enjoyed her cynical rants, contempt, and disgust for the fictional town of Neptune. We also agreed with Jason Segel’s character Peter, that it’s hard to forget Kristen Bell as Sarah Marshall in that little bikini top.  Kristen even played the hot obsessed Star Wars fan Zoe in Fanboys, proving to us that you can find love through the “Holy Trilogy.”  Bell’s latest role, Elle on Heroes, underutilizes her talents, but rumors of a Veronica Mars movie gives us hope that we will see her on the big screen again.

4. Summer Glau


We’re not big fans of Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, but prefer to enjoy how awesome Summer was in Joss Whedon’s Firefly / Serenity. Joss has a great track record with casting beautiful talented actresses. He definitly knew what he was doing when he cast Summer as the enigmatic River Tam. Summer portrayed River as an expressive, funny, intense, mentally brilliant, yet disconnected unbalanced girl. Her role as Tess on The 4400 and Cameron on Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles only shows the depth of her acting ability. We also find something so hot about a woman who could kick our ass.

3. Evangeline Lilly

women_lillyLet’s do a little wordplay.  First we would love to be “Lost” on an island with her. It’s really easy to get “Lost” in her beautiful eyes and cute freckles. We hope that the character of Kate would tell both Sawyer, and Jack to get “Lost.” Kate is our favorite character on the show on the show “Lost”… ok screw the wordplay. Evangeline is super hot, and the show continues to keep her in the skimpiest outfits, keeping us glued to the TV.

2. Jessica Alba


For some of us it began with TV’s Dark Angel. The leather, the bike, the ass-kicking. Its the olive complexion, the fit body and the long dark hair. (Bleh to blonde Sue Storm!) If you didn’t notice her back then she definitely got you in Sin City… she had the moves, the look, and the chaps. We’ll forgive Fantastic Four, but underwater adventure Into The Blue has some of the most fantastic cinematography that has ever wanted me to take up diving… I am intrigued by the water too. She’s gorgeous and bubbly when she wants to be, but she has a terrific personality.  Like Michael Scott said, it’s not just the hot outfits she wears, its whats underneath that counts.

1. Megan Fox


Our number one freebie choice is Megan Fox from Transformers. The only good thing to come out of the Michael Bay train-wreck (Lando’s opinion), was the very sexy Fox. To keep the top spot for next year, she needs to do a few things. First, no more tattoos. We believe that five is more than enough. Removing them would be a good idea.  Second, dump David Silver from Beverly Hills 90210. Brian Austin Green may be revitalizing his career on Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles, but for us he will always be that douchie “black guy wannabe.” Rumors of a break-up has us excited.  Leaked images from her next film Jennifer’s Body showed Megan in a see-thru body suit with pasties. Next time we hope for a better wardrobe malfunction.

So that’s our list of seven essential women who should be on your freebie list. Of course we realize that everybody has different taste in women. We could easily include another seven women, but at the same point, you don’t want to appear desperate. We also understand that even after meeting a celebrity woman on your list, doesn’t guarantee that all of you will be lucky enough to take advantage of the freebie list. If you haven’t made a list with your significant other tread lightly. Not every woman will find this amusing!

If you do make a list don’t laminate it. As a guy your list will constantly be changing. Even after writing this, I’m thinking that we missed out on Scarlett Johansson. So who did we miss? Are we wrong with these suggestions?

The Essential Seven is a weekly list of seven items that we at believe needs to be identified. Want our opinion on a topic for a future list? Email Lando Da Pimp. Don’t agree with our list? Then leave a comment. We will promise not to laugh at your dumb opinion! 😉

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