Essential Seven Worst Action Cartoons From the ’80s

The ’80s were easily the best decade for action cartoons. Cartoons were developed to solely market the toys based on these shows to kids. Everything was turned into a cartoon, including a series based on Hulk Hogan and the WWF! The Transformers, G.I.-JOE, and He-Man were some examples of successful ’80s action cartoons. Here are the Essential Seven Worst Action Cartoons from the ’80s:

7) Dinosaucers

Dinosauccers featured Anthropomorphic Dinosaurs that “Dinovolve” into Dinosaurs?????? Obviously Dinosaucers were inspired by Transformers. The show was bad. Sixty five episodes were made hoping that if successful it would sell a lot of toys. The toyline was cancelled after the show was proven that nobody cared.

6) Gobots

Gobots were the retarded version of The Transformers. The cartoon premiered first, but didn’t have the Transformers success. Tonka later expanded the Gobots universe with the Rocklords, robots that transform into rocks. What the hell do you do with a rock? This is why the Gobots sucked.

5) Silverhawks

Rankin/Bass, yes the guys who made Rudolph, put together Silverhawks. Silverhawks featured a team of humans who dressed in silver metal winged costumes that allowed them to fly. Sadly, the show was not  successful as Rankin / Bass’s previous cartoon, ThunderCats. Maybe it had something to do with the character Bluegrass whose weapon was a guitar.

4) Turbo Teen

During a thunderstorm, Brett Matthews has an car accident and crashes into a secret laboratory (why are all labs a secret?). The labs experiments fuse Brett with his sports car turning him into Turbo Teen. Brett decides to fight crime with his friends Patti, Alex, and a dog named Rusty. Why do cartoons always feature a dog? Turbo Teen was a complete rip-off of Knight Rider. My belief is that  is why Turbo Teen failed. Kids are smart. Don’t give them a lame version of a show as cool as Knight Rider.

3) Rambo – The Force of Freedom

Here is a good idea. Lets make a cartoon based on a series of films that kids are not allowed to watch. The makers of the cartoon then removed all references to Vietnam, POW Camps, and nobody in the show ever died. Instead, we got life lessons and advice in every episode. Lame.

2) Ewoks

There were two different Ewoks cartoons. The first was simply called Ewoks. The second series was retitled The All New Ewoks. They were the same exact show just with different titles. I remember being so disappointed when the show debuted. First the Ewoks talked. Second no reference to the Empire was ever mentioned. A Star Wars cartoon with no mention of Star Wars! Here is an idea. Feature the Ewoks annoying the Empire. Have them steal speeder bikes and trip AT-STs. (Update: I was informed by a comment below that the Empire was featured in two episodes. I was wrong about no Empire mentions, but that still doesn’t mean the show didn’t suck!)

1) Voltron Vehicle Force

The vehicle version of Voltron was just awful. I clearly remember coming home from school, hoping that the  daily episode of Voltron would feature the lion version and not the cars. Seems like it was always the vehicle version.  The vehicle Voltron was made up of  three teams (Land, Sea, and Air) with fifteen humans that piloted the different vehicles. Fifteen characters! How can kids be expected to follow that many characters?

The Essential Seven is a weekly list of seven items that we at believe needs to be identified. Want our opinion on a topic for a future list? Email Lando Da Pimp. Don’t agree with our list? Then leave a comment. We will try not to laugh at your dumb opinion! 😉

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