Wax On, F*ck Off

In his new movie, Ralph Macchio faces his toughest challenge yet; to become a Hollywood bad boy. With Karate Kid returning to the big screen, his career fading his friends and family are forced to stage an intervention. In order to re-establish himself in the entertainment industry he hits the streets of Los Angeles to show everyone how tough he can be. Coming soon, “Wax On, Fuck Off”

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Cinemassacre The Karate Kid Trilogy

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Essential Seven Famous Bullies

Almost everybody has had to deal with a bully sometime in your life. They prey on the weak or pick on you because you may be different. Why do they do this? Because they are an asshole. In fact, I believe that most people are assholes. In movies and TV shows the bully is the typical arch-nemesis of a main character. Pop culture is filled with them. That is why this week we list the Essential Seven Famous Bullies. (Ed note: You can also call this the Essential Seven Famous Assholes!)

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The Karate Kid Trailer is Here

I want to cry. Remaking one of the most beloved films of the ’80s is the worst idea since The Next Karate Kid! The story is pretty much the same. Instead of Daniel we have “Dre.” Dre is forced to move with his mom to China where he is bullied by a local kid. Mr. Han trains Dre in karate. It looks like the filmmakers replaced “wax on / wax off” with “picking up the jacket.” I hope this fails at the box-office, but I know it will probably do well. Kids these days are dumb.

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Essential Seven 80’s Films That Should Never Be Remade

Karate Kid Remake

It’s hard to be a child of the 80’s these days. All of the films that you consider sacred are being “remade” or “reimagined.” Last week the first image of The Karate Kid remake made its way onto the web. The initial negative reaction to the remake made Columbia Pictures to rename the Jaden Smith / Jackie Chan film to the Kung Fu Kid.

So I began to list what other ’80s films are in danger of becoming a remake. If The Karate Kid could be remade, no film is safe from greedy Hollywood producers.  If they were remade, how would these films be different? How would they ruin it? I cry at the thought of any of these films being remade. The list was very long, but I narrowed it down to the Essential Seven.

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