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spacer Click HereToy Biz's Electronic Hulk Hands
by Jager

To ease the sting of Stinkhead getting his hands on the Mutant Slime Pit, I had to buy something. It had to be something great. I decided on the Electronic Hulk Hands, made by Toy Biz. I had been playing with the idea of buying them for some time now, but the $17 price tag kept me away. Well as I said, I needed a toy fix to ease my pain and nothing but these gauntlets would do.

The first thing I noticed about these beauties was the detail. Okay, you're right... The first thing I noticed about these beauties was the fact that I could bludgeon my friends, pet, wife, the mail man, my boss, coworkers, and even myself with them. They are made of a nice soft foam so as not to hurt anyone (at least not seriously), but they are sturdy enough to take some punishment and hold their form. There's a good five inches of foam between your fist and the Hulk's knuckles. It's squishy, but not too squishy if you get me. (Ed. note: beaning someone in the head still hurts! But don't let that stop you.)

Hulk hatNow, as I tried to state earlier, the detail on the fists is wonderful. There are veins in the wrist and the hand. Not only that, but there are different sized veins, just like in a real hand. There are also wrinkles where the fingers are bent as well as those weird looking wrinkles on the tops of our fingers. But what really caught me off guard were the fingernails. There are lines in them which add to the realness of the hands. Speaking of real, they are a good size: A size that the Hulk's hands would really be. When you put them on you feel different. You feel like you could really beat the crap outta someone!!

While beating on that special someone in your life, you will notice that sounds will come from your fists. There are a total of six different sounds ranging from a window smashing, to a full blown house falling down with some grunts and Raarghh's and Hulk smash! thrown in for good measure. The unique thing about this is that the effects are put together at random, giving you the feeling there are more sounds than there really are. For example, first you'll get a ker-ash!, next a raarghh, then you could get a ker-ash, raarghh combo. This is very cool. At first. Here is the only downfall of these great toys: the sound effects get annoying after awhile. Thankfully, you can easily take the batteries out of them if you want.

Now, we all know that these puppies are fun, well made, and fantastic for taking aggression on your friends with little to no bruises. But what do you do with them after the newness wears off? Here's a handy dandy list:

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  1. Find a baggy shirt, and tuck wrists of the fists into the sleeves. Tell everyone that it's true what they say about too much time alone...

  2. Put them on your feet and BAM! you're a monkey.

  3. Give one to your friend, you keep one. Tie your naked hands together and go at it just like in the video for Beat It.

  4. Set on desk or dresser with fist in the air. It looks cooler than you think!

  5. Wear the left one to a protest rally and throw your fist into the air. Fight the Power!!

  6. With a strap and a little glue, you've got a pretty neat hat.

  7. Click HereWith a few straps and more glue, you could make a stylish bra for your lady friend.

  8. Place one on each end of your couch for conversation piece/throw pillows.

  9. Wear into that board meeting and see who gets a raise now!

  10. Ah, to hell with it. Beat on someone why dontcha?

In all seriousness, we at MillionairePlayboy do not condone violence of any sort. Please take this review with a grain of salt and don't hurt yourself or anyone else. Understand? If not, I'll come over there and really give you what-for!

Hulk and Toy Biz are property of Marvel Comics. All images are copyrighted 2003 MillionairePlayboy.com unless otherwise noted.


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